This time last year I would never have imagined I’d be where I am today in terms of my recent ‘divorce’ from alcohol. Last Friday I reached the magical 100 day mark and to be honest, I feel pretty bloody amazing!! I thought quitting alcohol was something only alcoholics did but the more I thought about it, the more my gut told me it was for me as well. It told me and it told me and it told me….. until on 7th June 2017, I finally listened. About bloody time! I could hear it whisper to me. About bloody time.
I have been blown away by the amount of gorgeous people who have contacted me to ask about my reasoning; my experiences; for my advice or tips; or to simply let me know they have been inspired and connect with what I have been saying. So I thought it only right to share the down and dirty stages I went through to get to where I have now landed…a place called planet joy.
Stage 1: Let’s call this the ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ stage. Because that’s what it felt like at first. There was definitely a ‘Let’s do this’ positive vibe thing going on but when I found myself in situations my lifestyle includes a lot of; like dining out with others and (like all of us) dealing with a variety of stresses; I felt like I had isolated myself, which was a little uncomfortable. After all, we all want to feel like we belong and are connected to others don’t we? Instead, I felt like I was an outsider and an observer and wondered how on earth I was going to get used to that feeling. I felt highly strung and couldn’t see how I was going to be able to relax without a drink. On the other hand, the overriding knowledge I’d made a decision for my health stayed with me, so that helped me to persevere through it. I also did a LOT of reading of blogs / research / other people’s experiences so I could get a feel for what to expect and educate myself on what was happening inside my body and brain. That was VERY helpful too. Education (especially when it comes to health) is everything.
Stage 2: Let’s call this the ‘Calm takes over’ stage. One month in and I felt a real stillness take over my soul. When it happened, I described it as a beautiful, clean, sparkling aquamarine ocean on the inside. It was something I’d never felt before. With it came a love for early rising and getting outside to spend an hour just for me before my day started, which meant stepping out in the dark and watching the sun rise. I held meditative thoughts in my mind whilst doing this. The strange thing about it was the total lack of fear from stepping out in to the pitch black. After having experienced several occasions of being followed / chased / grabbed by men (in broad daylight) in my earlier years, I have since felt fear associated with being in the dark on my own but suddenly, that was gone and a complete trust in life, the universe and everything had taken over. It felt like magic and to this day, it has only improved. I felt like I was being re-born.
I still felt a little weird and isolated in social situations when others were drinking but it was getting easier than in the beginning.
Stage 3: Let’s call this the ‘Healed’ stage. 38 Days in and on my way back from a morning walk a wave of emotions came over me. The thought popped in to my head that I had finally healed from all I have been though (and put myself through) in the past. I didn’t even know this would be my final stage of the healing process until I felt it with every cell of my body. I cried happy tears and experienced synchronistic signs and validations as this new feeling took over me in the most true and authentic way. As I told my hubby Jem how I was feeling, the song ‘Green Light’ by Lorde started playing. It was incredible and still gives me goosebumps thinking about it. Now I have another chapter to write for my book!
Social situations were becoming more comfortable now too but I still felt like I was on the outside looking in as far as being around other people drinking.
Stage 4: I am going to call this the ‘Easy’ stage. 67 days in and I noticed it had become easy and effortless. The feelings of isolation and of being highly strung in situations I’d usually be drinking in in the past were now gone and had been taken over by pride. I felt I was becoming the person I always wanted to be. Calm and in control whilst still feeling relaxed and happy. Being my true self and supremely comfortable in my skin. It was worth pushing through.
At that point, I didn’t feel any different to how I used to feel when I was with others having a drink any more. I realised I’d relaxed into it. And on top of that, I felt extremely peppy, sharp and loving in the company of others. It felt GREAT!
Stage 5: I can’t call this anything other than the ‘Joy’ stage. 100 days…the magic number. My body has changed, my mind has changed and my soul has changed. I can honestly say I have NEVER felt better in my entire life. Negative things don’t affect me like they used to and I feel like I am in true alignment. I have more energy than I have ever felt. I have more zest for life and feel so damn happy with myself. I truly feel I have so much more love to give out to the world. Fear has gone and trust has taken over. I’ve reached a place where I honestly feel ‘I don’t want to lose any more weight’ for the first time in about 35 years. From someone who has ALWAYS wanted to be smaller, this is HUGE. Pun intended.
Check out the difference in my face after 100 days! The pic on the left was taken a few days before I made the decision to quit and the pic on the right was taken on day 97. Amazing right?! I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. You see yourself everyday, so you don’t notice the big picture until you do a comparison like this.
I feel like I’ve given myself the best gift I could have ever chosen to give myself and can only hope to inspire others to make the choice to do the same. You’ll know in your heart if it is right for you too. It’s not for everyone, I get that. My journey is just that. My journey.
Hit me up if you’d like to know any more! I’m here for you.
Love & Light Always,