Category: Me

Estrangement is strange

Yvette

Hi Lovelies,

Have you every had to make a decision you never saw coming because it wasn’t ever on your radar to make such a choice? A decision you knew other people had made before, but not you. Because it wasn’t part of who you were or what you value.

Have you ever chosen a path that broke your heart into a thousand pieces but that you knew was absolutely necessary; no question? A decision that led you to the darkest place you’ve ever been but would eventually lead you back to the place of light that you so desperately wanted to find.

I have. And it hasn’t been easy.

Not in the slightest.

That’s why I’ve been MIA on here for so long.

In 2019, I’d been digging deep for some time and saw myself trapped in a constant loop of unhealthy patterning. Patterning that was making me stuck and sick and that I could see myself caught up in on repeat. It wasn’t contributing to the growth and healing I knew I both needed or was essential for me to live a life true to who I was; to who I am.

Patterning I was no longer willing to be a part of.

So I broke the loop and stepped away from my family of origin because it was on me to take responsibility for my own self. I decided to love them from a distance.

I’m not pointing fingers or blame or any of that stuff because I understand we are all literally wounded children in adult bodies and some of us choose to face the shadows and some of us don’t. None of it is anyone’s fault. It just is what it is.

From an early age, us humans are affected by our attachments; our environments; and our choices. All of which add up to who we become and how we react or respond to life and the triggers of our wounding.

Many stay in a place they’re familiar with because that’s what feels right to them, while others don’t.

I didn’t want to make that choice. It was quite literally the most difficult decision I had and have ever made but I stand in my truth when I say it was the right one.

I wish things were different. But the time had come for me to choose myself. So I took the leap and the net has since appeared.

Grieving for people who are still around is a strange phenomenon. It takes time. A long time.

It takes work too.

And it takes facing hard truths about who you are and who you want to be.

But when it all comes down to it, as I have said before, relationships are a two-way street and all we can control is our own part. And when it comes to healing; if that’s what we want; we must take our own lead and follow our gut; our own path. Our heart of hearts knows what is right for us. Just like it knows what isn’t.

It’s up to us to listen to that.

So if you ever happen across someone who doesn’t see their family, please know the decision wasn’t made lightly. It never is.

Estrangement is strange. And it can be hard.

Birthdays are hard.

Mothers and Fathers Days are hard.

Christmas is hard and sometimes days in between are hard.

But oftentimes it’s the right path at the right time for the right reasons.

And that’s all you need to know.

Love & Light,

Always XXX

Categories: Estrangement, MeLeave a comment

Don’t ‘Give Up’

Yvette #

Hi Lovelies,

It’s been ages since I last wrote.  About 9 months in fact but hey, who’s counting?

To be honest I have been revelling in the gift I gave myself last year.  A gift I have now lived for 420 days to be exact.  If you’ve read my last few blogs you’ll know what that gift is.  If you haven’t, then what I’m talking about is the gift of living a sober life.

For me, sober means not one drink.  Not one sip of champagne at celebrations.  Not one taste of a cocktail.  Not one cheeky glass to ‘unwind’ on holiday.  Nothing.  I chose to say goodbye to alcohol completely because I didn’t feel it worked for me anymore.

Before I go on, what I’d like to make very clear is that I didn’t ‘give it up’ so to speak because upon reflection, I didn’t give up anything.  I don’t believe trying to ‘give up’ something works nearly as well as choosing to ‘gain’ a new life by letting go of whatever it is you feel isn’t working for you.

Like smoking.  Or  a bad relationship.  Or a job you despise.  Or a toxic ‘friend’.  Or a food group that leaves you feeling unwell.

Or countless other things.

‘Giving up’ insinuates a lack of something.  Sure, that’s ok if you can wrap your head around lacking the ill feeling attached to what that thing is but human nature doesn’t really have our brains working like that.  The term ‘Giving up’ brings about a feeling of loss for most.  A loss of something we have become attached to.

However thinking about what you will gain from the situation is everything.  It makes all the difference.

For example, by choosing to stay sober, I gained a great deal.

I gained a life led with my senses being so much more intense because they are never numbed by the dulling effects of a drink or few.

I gained a new found awareness of my emotions.  Whether they be sadness, anger, happiness, frustration or joy.  All of which I have a new appreciation for because really allowing myself to feel them 100% means I am living and I’m grateful beyond measure for that.  They all pass no matter what and squashing them with a substance is only ever temporary anyway.  They’re only going to resurface unless you feel and process them.

I gained an appreciation for what it is like to be authentically me and walk a path less travelled instead of allowing myself to get caught up in what everyone else is doing.  Knowing what is not right for you and actioning that is a gift in and of itself.  We all have our own inner voice telling us what is right and wrong for us and if you’re quiet enough to honour it, you really do find things falling in to place around you.

Yes.  It really is all about you.

I gained the ability to nourish myself more intuitively and get real about when I was using food or drink to stuff down feelings like boredom, insecurity or fear.  There’s a billion dollar diet and fitness industry out there feeding off that very thing when realistically, we all have the ability to guide ourselves towards true nourishment and health if we just pause and listen rather than blindly doing by way of habit.

Now don’t get me wrong here – I still eat cake when I want to.  Because, well CAKE!  But what I don’t do anymore is allow it to make me feel bad for even one second because sometimes healthy means eating the cake now, right?

I gained freedom from weighing myself.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Sometimes several times a day; which is something I did since I was about 12 years old; and from counting calories in and calories out because I know my intuition is strong and will tell me what is right for me.  Who gives a shit about those numbers anyway?

This was huge people.  HUGE.

I gained freedom from telling myself I ‘should‘ be doing this or I ‘shouldn’t‘ be doing that and am finally making choices based on my truth.  The lack of ‘noise’ in my head is such a welcome change.  I should add, this was so unexpected.

I gained a sense of self love that I had never given myself permission to feel because for some reason, so many of us grew up being taught self love is a bad thing, when in fact, it’s the most important thing of all.  Your relationship with your self impacts every little bit of how you relate to others and to life itself.

#lovewins

I gained an appreciation for how people may choose to connect or disconnect from me and a greater understanding of how that very choice is all about THEM and not me at all.  It has allowed me to become more of a witness in life.

I gained acceptance of SO much.  Because in the end, we should expect nothing and accept everything.  All we have control over is how we respond to life.

I could go on but you get my drift.

So whatever it is for you, don’t ‘give it up’.  Let it go.  And gain away Lovelies.  Because #winning

Until next time…

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Categories: Health, Lessons, Me, Uncategorized, Words that inspire2 Comments

100 days sober

Yvette # #

Hi Lovelies,

This time last year I would never have imagined I’d be where I am today in terms of my recent ‘divorce’ from alcohol.  Last Friday I reached the magical 100 day mark and to be honest, I feel pretty bloody amazing!!  I thought quitting alcohol was something only alcoholics did but the more I thought about it, the more my gut told me it was for me as well.  It told me and it told me and it told me….. until on 7th June 2017, I finally listened.  About bloody time!  I could hear it whisper to me.  About bloody time. 

I have been blown away by the amount of gorgeous people who have contacted me to ask about my reasoning; my experiences; for my advice or tips; or to simply let me know they have been inspired and connect with what I have been saying.  So I thought it only right to share the down and dirty stages I went through to get to where I have now landed…a place called planet joy.

Stage 1:  Let’s call this the ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ stage.  Because that’s what it felt like at first.  There was definitely a ‘Let’s do this’ positive vibe thing going on but when I found myself in situations my lifestyle includes a lot of; like dining out with others and (like all of us) dealing with a variety of stresses; I felt like I had isolated myself, which was a little uncomfortable.  After all, we all want to feel like we belong and are connected to others don’t we?  Instead, I felt like I was an outsider and an observer and wondered how on earth I was going to get used to that feeling.  I felt highly strung and couldn’t see how I was going to be able to relax without a drink.  On the other hand, the overriding knowledge I’d made a decision for my health stayed with me, so that helped me to persevere through it.  I also did a LOT of reading of blogs / research / other people’s experiences so I could get a feel for what to expect and educate myself on what was happening inside my body and brain.  That was VERY helpful too.  Education (especially when it comes to health) is everything.

Stage 2:  Let’s call this the ‘Calm takes over’ stage.  One month in and I felt a real stillness take over my soul.  When it happened, I described it as a beautiful, clean, sparkling aquamarine ocean on the inside.  It was something I’d never felt before.  With it came a love for early rising and getting outside to spend an hour just for me before my day started, which meant stepping out in the dark and watching the sun rise.  I held meditative thoughts in my mind whilst doing this.  The strange thing about it was the total lack of fear from stepping out in to the pitch black.  After having experienced several occasions of being followed / chased / grabbed by men (in broad daylight) in my earlier years, I have since felt fear associated with being in the dark on my own but suddenly, that was gone and a complete trust in life, the universe and everything had taken over.  It felt like magic and to this day, it has only improved.  I felt like I was being re-born.

I still felt a little weird and isolated in social situations when others were drinking but it was getting easier than in the beginning.

Stage 3:  Let’s call this the ‘Healed’ stage.  38 Days in and on my way back from a morning walk a wave of emotions came over me.  The thought popped in to my head that I had finally healed from all I have been though (and put myself through) in the past.  I didn’t even know this would be my final stage of the healing process until I felt it with every cell of my body.  I cried happy tears and experienced synchronistic signs and validations as this new feeling took over me in the most true and authentic way.  As I told my hubby Jem how I was feeling, the song ‘Green Light’ by Lorde started playing.  It was incredible and still gives me goosebumps thinking about it.  Now I have another chapter to write for my book!

Social situations were becoming more comfortable now too but I still felt like I was on the outside looking in as far as being around other people drinking.

Stage 4:  I am going to call this the ‘Easy’ stage.  67 days in and I noticed it had become easy and effortless.  The feelings of isolation and of being highly strung in situations I’d usually be drinking in in the past were now gone and had been taken over by pride.  I felt I was becoming the person I always wanted to be.  Calm and in control whilst still feeling relaxed and happy.  Being my true self and supremely comfortable in my skin.  It was worth pushing through.

At that point, I didn’t feel any different to how I used to feel when I was with others having a drink any more.  I realised I’d relaxed into it.  And on top of that, I felt extremely peppy, sharp and loving in the company of others.  It felt GREAT!

Stage 5:  I can’t call this anything other than the ‘Joy’ stage.  100 days…the magic number.  My body has changed, my mind has changed and my soul has changed.  I can honestly say I have NEVER felt better in my entire life.  Negative things don’t affect me like they used to and I feel like I am in true alignment.  I have more energy than I have ever felt.  I have more zest for life and feel so damn happy with myself.  I truly feel I have so much more love to give out to the world.  Fear has gone and trust has taken over.  I’ve reached a place where I honestly feel ‘I don’t want to lose any more weight’ for the first time in about 35 years.  From someone who has ALWAYS wanted to be smaller, this is HUGE.  Pun intended.

Check out the difference in my face after 100 days!  The pic on the left was taken a few days before I made the decision to quit and the pic on the right was taken on day 97.  Amazing right?!  I couldn’t believe it when I saw it.  You see yourself everyday, so you don’t notice the big picture until you do a comparison like this.

 

I feel like I’ve given myself the best gift I could have ever chosen to give myself and can only hope to inspire others to make the choice to do the same.  You’ll know in your heart if it is right for you too.  It’s not for everyone, I get that.  My journey is just that.  My journey.

Hit me up if you’d like to know any more!  I’m here for you.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Categories: Health, Lessons, Me, Words that inspireLeave a comment

Sixty Seven Days

Yvette # #

Hi Lovelies,

The last sixty seven days of my life have been SO profound.  The journey my decision to stay sober has taken me on, has been more than I could ever have imagined.   It has taught me an immense amount about myself, life, the universe and everything.  Proceed with caution though.  You might find yourself inspired to join me if you read on.

There has been a lot of shock and surprise, especially from those closest to me.  Hey – I surprised myself too!   I totally get where that comes from though.  I really do.  Enjoying a drink was always such a big part of my life but when people keep asking me if I am still doing this, it feels like they don’t believe in my word, so I’d like to say to them, ‘Yep! I am really still doing this and it feels bloody awesome’.

I have watched many people suddenly become uncomfortable.  That is not the intention of ANYONE who decides to stop drinking.  The discomfort is purely about their own relationship with alcohol and or their health.  If there is discomfort, perhaps there are some changes that need to be made.  After all, our own peace of mind with all of our decisions in life should always be our goal in my opinion.

Friends have expressed fear of ‘losing’ who I have been to them.  My darlings you have not lost me.  In fact, you are gaining someone better than you ever had.  I promise you that.  I am so much more present now than I ever was and I love you all for who you are.  Please don’t think I am judging you for the choices you make either because I’m not .  My decision is for me and me only.  I want to be the best possible version of myself.  I want to be that for me and I want to be that for you.

I have been surprised by how many people have connected with my journey and have reached out to me personally to share of themselves.  When you reveal your truth and don’t let fear get in the way, you give others permission to speak their truth also.  That is a beautiful thing.   To all those who have reached out and felt comfortable enough to share their own inner most thoughts with me, I thank you.  I am blessed to have you in my life and if my journey can help inspire yours, that is a gift in and of itself.  It is more than I could hope for.

Loved ones have taken a look at and changed their own relationship with alcohol due to the decision that I’ve made for me and I see them feeling better about themselves for doing so.  How cool is that?!   Our thoughts and actions truly do have a ripple effect in this world, no matter what they may be.  I can only ever hope to have a positive impact on the lives of others, so when I am told I have done so, it makes my heart sing.  Thank you for allowing me to help you feel like the best version of your self.

Some have even told me they envy my choice.  To you I say this:  If that is truly how you feel, then you owe it to yourself to try it.  A decision is all it takes and the rest is easier than you think.  Making the choice to put every aspect of your health first can only ever be positive.  Drinking alcohol is something most of us started without even thinking about it.  We did it because we came of age and it’s just what people do.  I know that’s how I came to be a drinker.  I never even thought of not drinking.  I never knew any adults that didn’t.  Now I do and my own envy, respect and curiosity  led me to this place I now find myself in.

Personally, there have been a LOT of internal changes going on.  My thoughts are clearer than they have ever been and my mind is a great deal sharper.  I have always felt like I was an ‘on the ball’ person but now I feel that more than ever.

I am sleeping much more soundly and that can’t be underestimated.  The effect it has on every other aspect of my life is incredible.  It amounts to more energy; better digestion; better mood stabilisation; less reaction and more responding.  I have always been told I appeared to be a very calm person but I didn’t always feel that on the inside.  Now I do.

At 45, I had told my self the extra weight I was carrying around my middle section was just the ‘middle aged spread’ we all hear so much about.  I call bullshit on that now!  I have lost 6.3 kilos since the day I decided to stop drinking and a great deal of that has come from my stomach.  I got my waist back.  Nothing else has changed, in fact I eat whatever I want.  It just goes to show you how many extra empty calories (and the depressed metabolism) I was getting from alcohol consumption.  People have told me I look younger too.

I have an early morning ritual most days.  It consist of gratitudinal thoughts, meditation and physical exercise and sets me up to have the BEST day.  I can’t explain how much this makes me feel like I am being the truest and best version of myself.  It leaves me feeling like the ‘me’ I always wanted to be.

I have noticed I FEEL things a lot more intensely because I am giving myself time and consciousness to feel them.  But then they pass.  In years gone by, I have used alcohol to deal with stress a LOT and numbed myself from feeling what needed to be felt.  But that’s not healthy.  Truly feeling is truly living.  It’s surprising how quickly these feelings then move on.  There’s no need to squash them or smother them into a sense of numbness.  This is huge for me because I’ve spent most of my life using food, drugs or alcohol to escape my truth.   Now I am loving my truth.  Every ugly, beautiful bit of it.

Sure, I have thought many times ‘will I ever drink again’ and I can honestly say I don’t know.  Forever is a very long time but I am taking this day by day and so far it feels like it is a forever thing.  I have moved so far forward that deciding to have a drink feels like a huge step backwards right now and Im not one for heading in that direction any more.  When you feel like you have finally found the person you have been looking for your whole life and you truly feel authentically healed from all you’ve put yourself through, there’s no going backwards.

All in all I feel totally in alignment with life.  Angst and fear seem to have fallen away and my true, positive self feels free to just be.  To live and let live.  I can’t tell you how awesome that is.

If you are curious about any part of my journey, please don’t be afraid to hit me up.  I’d really love that.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Categories: Health, Me, Words that inspireLeave a comment

Last drinks

Yvette # #

Hi Lovelies,

If somebody had’ve told me 8 days ago that I’d be writing this today, I probably would have poured myself another glass of wine in defiance and laughed.  Anyone that knows me, knows I love a drink or three, (ok, or ten),  so the decision I’ve made has taken me a little by surprise.  But then again, it hasn’t.

What on earth am I talking about you ask?  Well it goes a little something like this…

I’ve always admired people who don’t drink alcohol at all.  Thoughts they’ve inspired include:  “Wow!  They must be really strong”;  “How amazing to not need it to relax and be sociable”;  “They must be saving SO much money”;  “They seem really confident in themselves”;  “They must be so productive every day”;  “How great to never have a hangover”! and much, much more.  If I’m really honest, I’d have to say I’ve felt envious and wished I could be like that too.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a few years now.  My inner voice has been telling me to give it up for some time.  Since this voice has been talking to me,  there’s been a few occasions when I have given myself the chance to feel what it’s like to not drink, for 3 weeks here, or a couple of months there and each time, it’s been nothing but positive.  But…I’ve always gone back to it.  It’s been too much fun to give up altogether.

However, l recently read Brene Brown’s amazing book ‘Daring Greatly’.  It’s all about shame, vulnerability and the human relationship with both and it made me realise many home truths.  I realised how much shame I had in my life and a great deal of it came down to my relationship with alcohol.

Now I’ve never been an alcoholic by any means.  In fact, when I’ve wanted to, I’ve been extremely disciplined with it.  I wasn’t drinking every day either, far from it.  I’ve attended countless functions and watched everybody drink while I drank mineral water.  BUT, I’ve always been an all or nothing person, so when I’ve not felt the need to be in control, I have totally let loose and after the first drink or two, something inside of me has gone ‘more, more, more’ until I’ve found myself not having an ‘off’ button.  The aftermath is ALWAYS shame and that affects how I feel about myself.  The result?  I don’t like that person.   I feel like that person is not who I am and as someone who is REALLY healthy most of the time, I’ve found it hard to reconcile that part of me.  THAT is not fun.

The choices I’ve made when I’ve been drinking are not my best work either; like eating when I’m not even hungry as well as eating foods I know my body doesn’t digest well, so I end up feeling like crap physically too.  And let’s not mention embarrassing social media posts (that have been deleted as soon as I’ve realised what a dick I was being).  Then I find myself asking ‘why do I always do this’?  The answer?  Because I’m not with myself when I make those choices.  I’m not ‘conscious’.  Well, life is too bloody short to spend time unconscious me thinks.

I’ve also felt like a fraud.  I’m in the final stage revisions of my book, which is all about healing and getting to a place of authentic health but how can I honestly put something like that out in to the world when there is an element of my health I’m still not comfortable with?  I can’t!!  That’s not authentic and I don’t want to be a liar.  I want to be raw, honest and truthful, so in order to do that, I need to make a change.

Last week I happened across a book by a Perth woman by the name of Rebecca Weller.  It is called ‘A Happier hour’.  I read the first chapter and so much of it resonated with me, so it got me thinking about the whole drinking thing again.  Rebecca is a health and wellness coach and the book is about her own journey of quitting alcohol.

A couple of days later, I met up with my best friend Judy for breakfast and we got chatting about it.  Judy has been sober for nearly six years and she knows it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  I told her I felt like I was preparing myself to give it up… “But I just have this event… and that event …and this event…coming up”.  What she said next really hit home.  “Yvette, there will always be something.  That’s life.  But what I can tell you is this:  giving up has been the best thing I have ever done”.  I could see how much she meant it and thought to myself, ‘I want that too’!

So, I decided I was going to finish the book and see how I felt after that.  Only that didn’t happen.

Later that day I realised I was ready.  I didn’t need to read someone else’s story first.  The only story that matters here is mine.  And that was it!  So last Wednesday night, I had my last drinks and I didn’t even know that’s what they were.  I think that was a great tactic because if I did know, I probably would have drunk a whole lot more, just for the sake of it.

It’s only been seven days (8 if you count today) but already I feel so strong and powerful for listening to my inner voice and making a decision for my physical, spiritual and mental health (not to mention the money I’ll save!).  I also have the same sense of ‘knowing’ that I had when I started seeing Jem.  I know this is so right for me.  I know this is who I’m meant to be.

I’m not thinking of it in terms of what I’m ‘giving up’, instead, it’s all about what I’m gaining.  I’m gaining better health; better connections with people due to being so present; more energy; better sleep; better choices in terms of how I fuel my body (as well as everything else); and so much more.  So in that sense, I’m not giving up anything at all really, am I?

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

PS – I think some of you may be falling off your chairs right now!

Categories: Health, Me4 Comments

Observe

Yvette # #

Hi Lovelies,

This may sound like a weird thing to say and please excuse my french but I fucking love getting older!  It’s the best thing ever.  The word ‘older’ generally denotes a sense of degeneration but in my opinion, the opposite is the truth.  I feel like getting older is getting better in so many ways and given my current state of mind, I wouldn’t go back to my youth for anything.

Why?  Because the older I get, the more I see life though different eyes.  I now see things through the eyes of an observer and I’m not just talking about observing others.  I am talking about observing myself as well.  And that my Lovelies, is what changes everything.

I used to be so caught up in the spin cycle of life and had no sense of the space that exists around our thoughts or the connectedness we all share.  I found myself reacting to this and that with no discernment of perspective or awareness of my unruly thoughts.  My ego ruled my mind and became the motivation for everything.  I wouldn’t call that living.  It was exisiting.  Nothing more and nothing less.

Now I’m far from perfect.  I still get reactive at times and have to slap my ego around occasionally (especially where social media is concerned) but now, more often than not, I can keep myself in check with my sense of self awareness.  I question my motivation before acting and if I can see my ego rearing it’s ugly head, I put it back in it’s box and stop what I’m doing.

At the end of the day, the only ‘likes’ or validations we really need are our own anyway.  What we think of ourselves is what matters the most.  Everything else is simply ego based and in reality, the ego is like a black hole that can never be filled if you don’t think highly enough of yourself.

When I was really ill with bulimarexia, I was totally ruled by the voice in my head and had absolutely no idea that voice was not ‘me’.  It told me I was never enough of this or too much of that and those thoughts were literally killing me.  Then one day, I was given the book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay and upon reading it, I suddenly became aware that I could talk back to my thoughts and that voice talking back was the REAL me.  The other voice was what I referred to as  ‘the monster inside my head’.

It is clear a lot of people suffer from uncontrolled thoughts of a similar nature to what I have described and it comes down to low self esteem.  It is like having your very own bully inside your head and the longer it is allowed to control your mind, the stronger it gets.

So many unfortunately never get to the point where they can put space around their thoughts and understand that is not who they are and my heart breaks for them.  Having an awareness of being aware is the real you.

What it all comes down to is a lack of consciousness.  Instead of being mindful, present and here in the now, thoughts run away in to the past or the future and back again as well as in to negative patterns like comparison and criticism.  But, the more you are aware and ‘with’ yourself, the more you can talk to yourself like you would a best friend.  This enables you to also be present with others and relish in the experiences life has to offer.

As Eckhart Tolle so eloquently puts it in his best selling book ‘A New Earth’…if you are not in a state of acceptance, enthusiasm or enjoyment, you are out of alignment and being out of alignment leads to unhappiness not only for yourself but for others too.  That observation has yielded yet another dimension of an improved reality in my world.

Since I read ‘A New Earth’, which I’ll be honest, I started and restarted several times until I was ready to digest the information it gifted, I’ve noticed a real change in myself. Instead of getting shitty at something happening around me, my awareness has been leading me to the thought of ‘acceptance’….and that in and of itself has taken away any negative emotion tied to the experience I was having.  The rest of the time I seem to be in an organic state of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm anyway, so it’s only negative reactions to external stuff that I’ve needed to adjust.  There is always going to be a lot of that however.  We all have loads of stuff happening around us on a daily basis, so this newness has been quite profound.

In the past, I’ve been so caught up in the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ of this world that even my hubby has called me “the everything police” because I’ve always had something to say about stuff going on around me that I felt was wrong.  There is no peace in that now is there?!  Now that I can (more often than not) bring acceptance to those thoughts, they bounce off me like a springbok bouncing through the fields.  And that is a lovely way to be.

Until next time.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Categories: Lessons, Me, Words that inspire2 Comments

Precious time

Yvette #

Hi Lovelies,

I hope this year is treating you well so far.  Can you believe it is March already?  It feels like January flew and we just skipped February altogether don’t you think?  Where on earth did it go?

Noticing the pace of things has been a reminder to me to slow down as much as I can.  The only time we really have is right now and if we are too busy thinking about the past or the future (and not spending time being present) then life just passes you by.

I found myself not being present a lot.  I was spending way too much time scrolling through posts on social media that had absolutely nothing to do with me or left me responding with a negative vibration and it literally made me so upset I couldn’t stop crying a few weekends ago.  In essence, I wasn’t looking after myself properly. I’d lost balance and I’d lost my sense of how best to invest in my ‘now’.  So I decided to change that.

I haven’t deactivated altogether because I want to keep my blog and business pages active.  I get contacted for work a lot through social media as well.  But, what I have done is made myself conscious about what I choose to look at and how much time I allow it to take up, which is only a couple of minutes per day now. I will send birthday messages because lets’ face it, how good is Facebook for birthdays?  See what I did there?    I’ll also look at positive posts, inspirational posts and posts that make me laugh.  I’ll give credit where credit is due and show support to those that need it.  I think social media is great for that too.  But… the second I see something that reminds me I’m wasting time or is negative in any way, I’m out of there and logged out.  That way, in order to go back and have a look, I need to think, do I really want to log in?  Is this really how I want to spend my time?

Before I did this, I had several books that I hadn’t finished reading around the place.  So often in my down time, I intended to get to them but instead of doing so, found myself wasting time instead.  I was absorbing negativity and crap instead of the value these books have now added to my life.

In the 4 weeks since I made this decision, I have finished reading 3 amazing books that I feel will help make me a much better person than scrolling through so much of other people’s ‘stuff’ ever will.

The first book is ‘Chapter One – You have the Power to Change Stuff’ by Daniel Flynn, Co Founder of The Thank You Group.  Do you guys know about this?  The Thank you group is an amazing  social enterprise of young people who started a not for profit business purely for the benefit of helping others.  First there was Thank You Water – of which all profits go to providing safe drinking water in countries that don’t have access to it.  Then they released Thank you Body – from which all profits go to provide sanitisation products in underprivileged countries; and now there is Thank you Baby – which gives all profits to help Mums in underprivileged countries with their baby care.  If you see their products on a shelf – buy them!!  They have provided a platform in which every single one of us can make a difference by purchasing their products.  You can even enter your barcode in to their website so you can see just how the product you have purchased is making a difference.  Amazing right?!  You can find out more about them here http://www.thankyou.co

Then I read ‘The Dalai Lama’s Cat’, by Perth man, David Michie.  Another great read written from the point of view of the cat and the wisdom she picked up by living with His Holiness.  Such an easy and great read.  I highly recommend this one, especially to cat lovers.

Finally, I finished ‘The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey.  Another absolutely brilliant read.  If we all thought and behaved in the ways this book suggests, the world would be a very different place.

The strongest message that comes from all of these books is about how much better life becomes when we make it all about how we can serve others.  We get so caught up in what we can get for ourselves that we often lose sight of this, which I think is a great cause of discontent and unhappiness.  Reading books that help you do this is a gift we give both to ourselves and others in our lives.

I wasn’t giving myself permission to slow down before.  I was caught up in the mindset of ‘I should be doing this’ or ‘I should be doing that’.  I guess what I absorbed from social media contributed to this in a way as it can lead you to compare your life to those of others.

Spending my time in this new, mindful way has been the best reminder that the only thing we should be doing is really thinking about how we invest in our precious time.

What are you going to do on this beautiful day?  Enjoy it.  And make it count.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

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Let it go (like a fart)

Yvette #

Happy New Year Lovelies!

I hope 2017 has started well for you and you’re being gentle with yourself after the crazy rollercoaster ride that 2016 was for most of us.  I certainly am, even though the lessons for this year are already coming at me thick and fast.  But I guess that’s what happens when you make self improvement a priority.

One of those lessons for me is about letting go of situations totally out of my control and not allowing the actions of others to affect my energy or feelings.  It’s not something I’ve quite mastered yet but I am sure as hell working on it.  Hard.  In fact, not a day goes by that I don’t do some kind of research to try and figure out how best to deal with my self in relation to accepting what ‘is’ and understanding that many situations we encounter in life may never be resolved.  They are what they are and that has to be ok or it will drive you mad.

Some people are really good at this.  They can cop an arrow to their bubble of protection without so much as the slightest piercing; turn around from the attack; pivot on the shiny floor underneath them and skip away like nothing ever happened.  I envy those people and strive to be just like them one day.  Sooner rather than later I hope.

And then there’s those like me.  I’m a super sensitive and empathetic creature, so when I know someone is choosing to hurt me on purpose, I feel it and as much as I’d like to shake it off like Taylor Swift, it takes a little time for me to process and work through in order to feel centred again.  As I get older, this stage is taking less time with each hit but it’s still something I go through before bouncing back.

We are constantly told ‘don’t give your power away’; ‘what you give energy to will remain’ and statements like this that tell us we should not be letting outside entities shake our core but we are all human having a human experience and from what I can tell, most people are affected by the words and actions of others.  We just get better at dealing with it over time.

Humans can be volatile creatures.  Many whom we come in to contact with and whom we may have close (or not so close) relationships with can be stuck in a place they never move out of and this leads them to behave in ways that are hurtful to others.  I’m sure we’ve all had our share of being on the receiving end of toxic behaviour and the hardest hitting are when you know the person is doing it with intent.  But no matter what, at the end of the day, we can’t control how people choose to treat us.  All we can control is how we choose to respond.

I’m sure you’ve heard the term ‘hurt people hurt people’.  If you remind yourself of this when these situations arise, it makes them a lot easier to deal with.

Forgiveness is also very important; especially when you’ve never even received an apology.  It is a gift we give to ourselves more than anything else and it doesn’t have to mean you forget.  These two dudes express it so eloquently that I had to include this rather than try to express it myself:

 

It’s a powerful video isn’t it?

It’s not easy to let things go but we simply must for our own peace of mind.  Focus on forgiveness; feel whatever it is you need to feel; talk it out and then let it go (like a fart).

 

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

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It has to stop!

Yvette

Hi Lovelies,

It’s that time of year when a lot of us become reflective of the year that was and life that is and all that stuff.  That is certainly the case for me.

Like a lot of people, a shit load of stuff has happened for me both internally and externally and I find myself in a place that is unsettled when it comes to what I see going on around me in this crazy world we live in.

Without beating around the bush, I feel the need to speak up about something that really bugs me and that is, the ridiculous, unattainable perfection we are subjected to on a daily basis that is quite frankly making us as a society sick.

Literally.

Imagery is everywhere and yes, we are visual creatures and it’s human nature to adore pretty, beautiful, shiny things but I think when it comes to advertising and the media, it has gone too far and the resulting repercussions are distressing.

What do I see?  I see people getting plastic surgery and enhancements at an alarming rate and a ridiculously young age.  I’m seeing humans becoming more and more mentally and physically ill with eating disorders and body image issues; in fact the rising prevalence of this is in line with the increased exposure to media and particularly social media.  I also see a disturbing amount of people struggling with ‘not being enough’ in so many ways and I witness people being made fun of for how they look time and time again.

It’s not okay and it has to stop.

99% of what we’re seeing and aspiring to isn’t real anyway.  It’s been said before and I’ll say it again, ‘Even the models in the pictures don’t look like the models in the pictures’.

And you know what’s even crazier?  We KNOW the images aren’t real.  We KNOW they are largely (if not mostly) computer generated but we still SEE them and assimilate them in to our psyche and the result of that is what causes the aforementioned.  Crazy right?!

As a makeup artist and part time model agent, I am aware I work in an industry that perpetuates all of the above.  I get that.  But that doesn’t mean I have to agree with what is happening.  I question how we got here and I think it’s up to all of us, especially those in the fashion / beauty / media / advertising industries, to start taking responsibility for what is happening and start asking the question “WHY?”

When a designer calls to ask for a model that is reed thin and obviously not healthy, I think we should be asking ‘Why do you want such a thin person to be in your campaign?’

When a photographer retouches a model’s body so much that they become almost, if not, totally unrecognisable, they should be asked ‘Why do you want this person to appear like an alien instead  of real?  Aren’t they enough?’

When a brand manager wants their images retouched to the point of fantasy and not reality, shouldn’t we be asking ‘Why do you want to use fantasy to sell your brand?’

When an agent says a model’s measurements are not small enough for their market, isn’t it time we said ‘Why?’  Who is it that expects the models to be so tiny?  WHO?  No one is taking responsibility for this and I think it’s time we ALL did.  It is up to every single one of us in the industry to be game changers.  I know it’s a mammoth task but I’m certainly up for it.  I think it’s time.

It’s clear in life that all things swing and roundabout.  What goes up must come down and all that, so I’m hoping that is true for the fashion and advertising world too.  You see, what I’m also witnessing is a revolution that wants to happen.  I see people cheer when a curvy woman struts the catwalk.  I see people comment on how amazing it is to see and hear about what is REAL in life and not this fantasy bullshit we are being fed… and that brings me hope.

I think what is real and true is what people want to see.  I think we’re tired of seeing perfection that doesn’t exist.  I think we want to know we are enough, just as we are.

I think it’s time to pull each other up and compliment each other for more than what we look like.  It’s time to give praise for who we are as people.  That’s my opinion anyway.

Are you with me?

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

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Respect

Yvette #

Hi Lovelies,

It’s been a while since I sat down to write.  Life has been hectic to say the least and a lot has gone on that has left me well and truly speechless, hence my absence.

Now that I’ve had time to digest some of it,  I feel the need to comment on how fired up society has been lately.  I don’t think I need to mention what about.

Whatever happened to the old social rule that you ‘don’t speak of politics, religion or money’?  It seems to have all but gone out the window of late, particularly when it comes to keyboard warriors on social media and the like.  It has become a free for all and the results are scary.  More segregation, separation and hate energy is spewing forth in to the world with vitriolic words than ever before and reactive, fearful respondents are taking part in a war of words that seem to go no where but downhill fast.

respect

What happened to respect?  If nothing else, don’t we all understand that we are all different?  Isn’t that what makes the world go around?  If we were all the same, we’d be robots instead of human beings having a human and completely individual experience.

As the amazing Anaïs Nin once said “We don’t see things as they are.  We see things as we are”.  There is no truer saying as far as I’m concerned.

And haven’t we all figured out that there is greater power in love and understanding than there is in fear?  I’d like to think that’s still believed by the majority of humans on earth.

The pendulum will always swing, it’s the law of gravity.  There will always be good and evil; truth and lies; day and night.  We need each of these to know, understand and appreciate the other.  One can simply not exist without it’s opposite.  How can we ever know what is right for us unless we know equally what is wrong?

All clichés aside,  I think we need to bring the focus back to ourselves in times of perceived darkness.  We need to love harder and respect others more wholeheartedly.  We need to understand that everyone has just as much right to believe in and stand for what they choose to, as we ourselves do.  It is not our place to try and sway anyone to our view uninvited.  That is merely going against the grain of love, compassion and respect, which in my opinion are the three cornerstones of peaceful living.

peace

Aren’t peace and respect what we all want?

It is simply impossible for anyone to know absolutely everything about the world, therefore there is no human that can be absolutely correct about all things.  It simply can’t be.  There will always be a story told by somebody, somewhere that will make you question what you thought you knew.

Each of us believes what we believe because of the life we have led.  It’s as simple as that.

Call me idealistic and perhaps a little naive, I don’t mind.  I know my nature is to always look on the brighter side of life and I don’t believe that’s a bad thing, it is simply who I am.  I will always make my decisions based on my inherent nature and I’d like to think there are just as many people, if not more, out there like me than otherwise. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate and respect those that err on the other side either.  I understand that without them, I wouldn’t know which side I belonged to.

So, I am hoping the current reactive state I’m witnessing is simply a pendulum swing and that things will start calming down sooner rather than later.  I am hoping respect for our differences will prevail instead of an incessant need to convince others we are right.  Who’s to say who is right and who is wrong in their opinions anyway?  We can only ever say what is right for us.

Many things in life are simply out of our control but how we choose to respond to those things is not.  All we can do is focus on who WE are as humans.  If more of us did that instead of pointing the finger, this world would undoubtedly be a better place.  That’s the kind of world I want to live in.

Love and Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

 

 

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