100 days sober

Hi Lovelies,

This time last year I would never have imagined I’d be where I am today in terms of my recent ‘divorce’ from alcohol.  Last Friday I reached the magical 100 day mark and to be honest, I feel pretty bloody amazing!!  I thought quitting alcohol was something only alcoholics did but the more I thought about it, the more my gut told me it was for me as well.  It told me and it told me and it told me….. until on 7th June 2017, I finally listened.  About bloody time!  I could hear it whisper to me.  About bloody time. 

I have been blown away by the amount of gorgeous people who have contacted me to ask about my reasoning; my experiences; for my advice or tips; or to simply let me know they have been inspired and connect with what I have been saying.  So I thought it only right to share the down and dirty stages I went through to get to where I have now landed…a place called planet joy.

Stage 1:  Let’s call this the ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ stage.  Because that’s what it felt like at first.  There was definitely a ‘Let’s do this’ positive vibe thing going on but when I found myself in situations my lifestyle includes a lot of; like dining out with others and (like all of us) dealing with a variety of stresses; I felt like I had isolated myself, which was a little uncomfortable.  After all, we all want to feel like we belong and are connected to others don’t we?  Instead, I felt like I was an outsider and an observer and wondered how on earth I was going to get used to that feeling.  I felt highly strung and couldn’t see how I was going to be able to relax without a drink.  On the other hand, the overriding knowledge I’d made a decision for my health stayed with me, so that helped me to persevere through it.  I also did a LOT of reading of blogs / research / other people’s experiences so I could get a feel for what to expect and educate myself on what was happening inside my body and brain.  That was VERY helpful too.  Education (especially when it comes to health) is everything.

Stage 2:  Let’s call this the ‘Calm takes over’ stage.  One month in and I felt a real stillness take over my soul.  When it happened, I described it as a beautiful, clean, sparkling aquamarine ocean on the inside.  It was something I’d never felt before.  With it came a love for early rising and getting outside to spend an hour just for me before my day started, which meant stepping out in the dark and watching the sun rise.  I held meditative thoughts in my mind whilst doing this.  The strange thing about it was the total lack of fear from stepping out in to the pitch black.  After having experienced several occasions of being followed / chased / grabbed by men (in broad daylight) in my earlier years, I have since felt fear associated with being in the dark on my own but suddenly, that was gone and a complete trust in life, the universe and everything had taken over.  It felt like magic and to this day, it has only improved.  I felt like I was being re-born.

I still felt a little weird and isolated in social situations when others were drinking but it was getting easier than in the beginning.

Stage 3:  Let’s call this the ‘Healed’ stage.  38 Days in and on my way back from a morning walk a wave of emotions came over me.  The thought popped in to my head that I had finally healed from all I have been though (and put myself through) in the past.  I didn’t even know this would be my final stage of the healing process until I felt it with every cell of my body.  I cried happy tears and experienced synchronistic signs and validations as this new feeling took over me in the most true and authentic way.  As I told my hubby Jem how I was feeling, the song ‘Green Light’ by Lorde started playing.  It was incredible and still gives me goosebumps thinking about it.  Now I have another chapter to write for my book!

Social situations were becoming more comfortable now too but I still felt like I was on the outside looking in as far as being around other people drinking.

Stage 4:  I am going to call this the ‘Easy’ stage.  67 days in and I noticed it had become easy and effortless.  The feelings of isolation and of being highly strung in situations I’d usually be drinking in in the past were now gone and had been taken over by pride.  I felt I was becoming the person I always wanted to be.  Calm and in control whilst still feeling relaxed and happy.  Being my true self and supremely comfortable in my skin.  It was worth pushing through.

At that point, I didn’t feel any different to how I used to feel when I was with others having a drink any more.  I realised I’d relaxed into it.  And on top of that, I felt extremely peppy, sharp and loving in the company of others.  It felt GREAT!

Stage 5:  I can’t call this anything other than the ‘Joy’ stage.  100 days…the magic number.  My body has changed, my mind has changed and my soul has changed.  I can honestly say I have NEVER felt better in my entire life.  Negative things don’t affect me like they used to and I feel like I am in true alignment.  I have more energy than I have ever felt.  I have more zest for life and feel so damn happy with myself.  I truly feel I have so much more love to give out to the world.  Fear has gone and trust has taken over.  I’ve reached a place where I honestly feel ‘I don’t want to lose any more weight’ for the first time in about 35 years.  From someone who has ALWAYS wanted to be smaller, this is HUGE.  Pun intended.

Check out the difference in my face after 100 days!  The pic on the left was taken a few days before I made the decision to quit and the pic on the right was taken on day 97.  Amazing right?!  I couldn’t believe it when I saw it.  You see yourself everyday, so you don’t notice the big picture until you do a comparison like this.

 

I feel like I’ve given myself the best gift I could have ever chosen to give myself and can only hope to inspire others to make the choice to do the same.  You’ll know in your heart if it is right for you too.  It’s not for everyone, I get that.  My journey is just that.  My journey.

Hit me up if you’d like to know any more!  I’m here for you.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Sixty Seven Days

Hi Lovelies,

The last sixty seven days of my life have been SO profound.  The journey my decision to stay sober has taken me on, has been more than I could ever have imagined.   It has taught me an immense amount about myself, life, the universe and everything.  Proceed with caution though.  You might find yourself inspired to join me if you read on.

There has been a lot of shock and surprise, especially from those closest to me.  Hey – I surprised myself too!   I totally get where that comes from though.  I really do.  Enjoying a drink was always such a big part of my life but when people keep asking me if I am still doing this, it feels like they don’t believe in my word, so I’d like to say to them, ‘Yep! I am really still doing this and it feels bloody awesome’.

I have watched many people suddenly become uncomfortable.  That is not the intention of ANYONE who decides to stop drinking.  The discomfort is purely about their own relationship with alcohol and or their health.  If there is discomfort, perhaps there are some changes that need to be made.  After all, our own peace of mind with all of our decisions in life should always be our goal in my opinion.

Friends have expressed fear of ‘losing’ who I have been to them.  My darlings you have not lost me.  In fact, you are gaining someone better than you ever had.  I promise you that.  I am so much more present now than I ever was and I love you all for who you are.  Please don’t think I am judging you for the choices you make either because I’m not .  My decision is for me and me only.  I want to be the best possible version of myself.  I want to be that for me and I want to be that for you.

I have been surprised by how many people have connected with my journey and have reached out to me personally to share of themselves.  When you reveal your truth and don’t let fear get in the way, you give others permission to speak their truth also.  That is a beautiful thing.   To all those who have reached out and felt comfortable enough to share their own inner most thoughts with me, I thank you.  I am blessed to have you in my life and if my journey can help inspire yours, that is a gift in and of itself.  It is more than I could hope for.

Loved ones have taken a look at and changed their own relationship with alcohol due to the decision that I’ve made for me and I see them feeling better about themselves for doing so.  How cool is that?!   Our thoughts and actions truly do have a ripple effect in this world, no matter what they may be.  I can only ever hope to have a positive impact on the lives of others, so when I am told I have done so, it makes my heart sing.  Thank you for allowing me to help you feel like the best version of your self.

Some have even told me they envy my choice.  To you I say this:  If that is truly how you feel, then you owe it to yourself to try it.  A decision is all it takes and the rest is easier than you think.  Making the choice to put every aspect of your health first can only ever be positive.  Drinking alcohol is something most of us started without even thinking about it.  We did it because we came of age and it’s just what people do.  I know that’s how I came to be a drinker.  I never even thought of not drinking.  I never knew any adults that didn’t.  Now I do and my own envy, respect and curiosity  led me to this place I now find myself in.

Personally, there have been a LOT of internal changes going on.  My thoughts are clearer than they have ever been and my mind is a great deal sharper.  I have always felt like I was an ‘on the ball’ person but now I feel that more than ever.

I am sleeping much more soundly and that can’t be underestimated.  The effect it has on every other aspect of my life is incredible.  It amounts to more energy; better digestion; better mood stabilisation; less reaction and more responding.  I have always been told I appeared to be a very calm person but I didn’t always feel that on the inside.  Now I do.

At 45, I had told my self the extra weight I was carrying around my middle section was just the ‘middle aged spread’ we all hear so much about.  I call bullshit on that now!  I have lost 6.3 kilos since the day I decided to stop drinking and a great deal of that has come from my stomach.  I got my waist back.  Nothing else has changed, in fact I eat whatever I want.  It just goes to show you how many extra empty calories (and the depressed metabolism) I was getting from alcohol consumption.  People have told me I look younger too.

I have an early morning ritual most days.  It consist of gratitudinal thoughts, meditation and physical exercise and sets me up to have the BEST day.  I can’t explain how much this makes me feel like I am being the truest and best version of myself.  It leaves me feeling like the ‘me’ I always wanted to be.

I have noticed I FEEL things a lot more intensely because I am giving myself time and consciousness to feel them.  But then they pass.  In years gone by, I have used alcohol to deal with stress a LOT and numbed myself from feeling what needed to be felt.  But that’s not healthy.  Truly feeling is truly living.  It’s surprising how quickly these feelings then move on.  There’s no need to squash them or smother them into a sense of numbness.  This is huge for me because I’ve spent most of my life using food, drugs or alcohol to escape my truth.   Now I am loving my truth.  Every ugly, beautiful bit of it.

Sure, I have thought many times ‘will I ever drink again’ and I can honestly say I don’t know.  Forever is a very long time but I am taking this day by day and so far it feels like it is a forever thing.  I have moved so far forward that deciding to have a drink feels like a huge step backwards right now and Im not one for heading in that direction any more.  When you feel like you have finally found the person you have been looking for your whole life and you truly feel authentically healed from all you’ve put yourself through, there’s no going backwards.

All in all I feel totally in alignment with life.  Angst and fear seem to have fallen away and my true, positive self feels free to just be.  To live and let live.  I can’t tell you how awesome that is.

If you are curious about any part of my journey, please don’t be afraid to hit me up.  I’d really love that.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Last drinks

Hi Lovelies,

If somebody had’ve told me 8 days ago that I’d be writing this today, I probably would have poured myself another glass of wine in defiance and laughed.  Anyone that knows me, knows I love a drink or three, (ok, or ten),  so the decision I’ve made has taken me a little by surprise.  But then again, it hasn’t.

What on earth am I talking about you ask?  Well it goes a little something like this…

I’ve always admired people who don’t drink alcohol at all.  Thoughts they’ve inspired include:  “Wow!  They must be really strong”;  “How amazing to not need it to relax and be sociable”;  “They must be saving SO much money”;  “They seem really confident in themselves”;  “They must be so productive every day”;  “How great to never have a hangover”! and much, much more.  If I’m really honest, I’d have to say I’ve felt envious and wished I could be like that too.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a few years now.  My inner voice has been telling me to give it up for some time.  Since this voice has been talking to me,  there’s been a few occasions when I have given myself the chance to feel what it’s like to not drink, for 3 weeks here, or a couple of months there and each time, it’s been nothing but positive.  But…I’ve always gone back to it.  It’s been too much fun to give up altogether.

However, l recently read Brene Brown’s amazing book ‘Daring Greatly’.  It’s all about shame, vulnerability and the human relationship with both and it made me realise many home truths.  I realised how much shame I had in my life and a great deal of it came down to my relationship with alcohol.

Now I’ve never been an alcoholic by any means.  In fact, when I’ve wanted to, I’ve been extremely disciplined with it.  I wasn’t drinking every day either, far from it.  I’ve attended countless functions and watched everybody drink while I drank mineral water.  BUT, I’ve always been an all or nothing person, so when I’ve not felt the need to be in control, I have totally let loose and after the first drink or two, something inside of me has gone ‘more, more, more’ until I’ve found myself not having an ‘off’ button.  The aftermath is ALWAYS shame and that affects how I feel about myself.  The result?  I don’t like that person.   I feel like that person is not who I am and as someone who is REALLY healthy most of the time, I’ve found it hard to reconcile that part of me.  THAT is not fun.

The choices I’ve made when I’ve been drinking are not my best work either; like eating when I’m not even hungry as well as eating foods I know my body doesn’t digest well, so I end up feeling like crap physically too.  And let’s not mention embarrassing social media posts (that have been deleted as soon as I’ve realised what a dick I was being).  Then I find myself asking ‘why do I always do this’?  The answer?  Because I’m not with myself when I make those choices.  I’m not ‘conscious’.  Well, life is too bloody short to spend time unconscious me thinks.

I’ve also felt like a fraud.  I’m in the final stage revisions of my book, which is all about healing and getting to a place of authentic health but how can I honestly put something like that out in to the world when there is an element of my health I’m still not comfortable with?  I can’t!!  That’s not authentic and I don’t want to be a liar.  I want to be raw, honest and truthful, so in order to do that, I need to make a change.

Last week I happened across a book by a Perth woman by the name of Rebecca Weller.  It is called ‘A Happier hour’.  I read the first chapter and so much of it resonated with me, so it got me thinking about the whole drinking thing again.  Rebecca is a health and wellness coach and the book is about her own journey of quitting alcohol.

A couple of days later, I met up with my best friend Judy for breakfast and we got chatting about it.  Judy has been sober for nearly six years and she knows it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  I told her I felt like I was preparing myself to give it up… “But I just have this event… and that event …and this event…coming up”.  What she said next really hit home.  “Yvette, there will always be something.  That’s life.  But what I can tell you is this:  giving up has been the best thing I have ever done”.  I could see how much she meant it and thought to myself, ‘I want that too’!

So, I decided I was going to finish the book and see how I felt after that.  Only that didn’t happen.

Later that day I realised I was ready.  I didn’t need to read someone else’s story first.  The only story that matters here is mine.  And that was it!  So last Wednesday night, I had my last drinks and I didn’t even know that’s what they were.  I think that was a great tactic because if I did know, I probably would have drunk a whole lot more, just for the sake of it.

It’s only been seven days (8 if you count today) but already I feel so strong and powerful for listening to my inner voice and making a decision for my physical, spiritual and mental health (not to mention the money I’ll save!).  I also have the same sense of ‘knowing’ that I had when I started seeing Jem.  I know this is so right for me.  I know this is who I’m meant to be.

I’m not thinking of it in terms of what I’m ‘giving up’, instead, it’s all about what I’m gaining.  I’m gaining better health; better connections with people due to being so present; more energy; better sleep; better choices in terms of how I fuel my body (as well as everything else); and so much more.  So in that sense, I’m not giving up anything at all really, am I?

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

PS – I think some of you may be falling off your chairs right now!

It has to stop!

Hi Lovelies,

It’s that time of year when a lot of us become reflective of the year that was and life that is and all that stuff.  That is certainly the case for me.

Like a lot of people, a shit load of stuff has happened for me both internally and externally and I find myself in a place that is unsettled when it comes to what I see going on around me in this crazy world we live in.

Without beating around the bush, I feel the need to speak up about something that really bugs me and that is, the ridiculous, unattainable perfection we are subjected to on a daily basis that is quite frankly making us as a society sick.

Literally.

Imagery is everywhere and yes, we are visual creatures and it’s human nature to adore pretty, beautiful, shiny things but I think when it comes to advertising and the media, it has gone too far and the resulting repercussions are distressing.

What do I see?  I see people getting plastic surgery and enhancements at an alarming rate and a ridiculously young age.  I’m seeing humans becoming more and more mentally and physically ill with eating disorders and body image issues; in fact the rising prevalence of this is in line with the increased exposure to media and particularly social media.  I also see a disturbing amount of people struggling with ‘not being enough’ in so many ways and I witness people being made fun of for how they look time and time again.

It’s not okay and it has to stop.

99% of what we’re seeing and aspiring to isn’t real anyway.  It’s been said before and I’ll say it again, ‘Even the models in the pictures don’t look like the models in the pictures’.

And you know what’s even crazier?  We KNOW the images aren’t real.  We KNOW they are largely (if not mostly) computer generated but we still SEE them and assimilate them in to our psyche and the result of that is what causes the aforementioned.  Crazy right?!

As a makeup artist and part time model agent, I am aware I work in an industry that perpetuates all of the above.  I get that.  But that doesn’t mean I have to agree with what is happening.  I question how we got here and I think it’s up to all of us, especially those in the fashion / beauty / media / advertising industries, to start taking responsibility for what is happening and start asking the question “WHY?”

When a designer calls to ask for a model that is reed thin and obviously not healthy, I think we should be asking ‘Why do you want such a thin person to be in your campaign?’

When a photographer retouches a model’s body so much that they become almost, if not, totally unrecognisable, they should be asked ‘Why do you want this person to appear like an alien instead  of real?  Aren’t they enough?’

When a brand manager wants their images retouched to the point of fantasy and not reality, shouldn’t we be asking ‘Why do you want to use fantasy to sell your brand?’

When an agent says a model’s measurements are not small enough for their market, isn’t it time we said ‘Why?’  Who is it that expects the models to be so tiny?  WHO?  No one is taking responsibility for this and I think it’s time we ALL did.  It is up to every single one of us in the industry to be game changers.  I know it’s a mammoth task but I’m certainly up for it.  I think it’s time.

It’s clear in life that all things swing and roundabout.  What goes up must come down and all that, so I’m hoping that is true for the fashion and advertising world too.  You see, what I’m also witnessing is a revolution that wants to happen.  I see people cheer when a curvy woman struts the catwalk.  I see people comment on how amazing it is to see and hear about what is REAL in life and not this fantasy bullshit we are being fed… and that brings me hope.

I think what is real and true is what people want to see.  I think we’re tired of seeing perfection that doesn’t exist.  I think we want to know we are enough, just as we are.

I think it’s time to pull each other up and compliment each other for more than what we look like.  It’s time to give praise for who we are as people.  That’s my opinion anyway.

Are you with me?

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

Embrace

Hi Lovelies,

I recently saw the incredible and life-changing documentary ‘Embrace’.  It was so brilliant and gut wrenching that I bawled my eyes out through most of it because it hit home so strongly.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here is the trailer:

This film should be seen by everyone, especially by women and I ask all Mum’s out there, please take your daughters.  You won’t regret it.

You see the distortion of body image and how negatively most of us view ourselves has reached truly disturbing proportions.  The percentage of people, especially women, who dislike their bodies and / or the way they look in general is incredibly sad and society has a lot to answer for when it comes to the projection of an unrealistic and unattainable ‘perfection’ that we can’t avoid.  That is unless of course we crawl under a rock and stay there.

It’s everywhere.  Images of so-called ‘beauty’ that are not real.  It’s been said before and I’ll repeat it now.  Not even the models in the images look like the models in the images.  They’ve been stretched and slimmed and primped and smoothed.  Eyes are made larger; teeth are whitened; breasts are enlarged and cheek bones are raised.  Even Men’s biceps and other body parts I won’t mention are exaggerated and chiselled.  No one actually looks like the pictures we are surrounded by and although we all know that photoshop is the culprit, the visual  assimilation of these images are what we are absorbing, whether that be subconsciously or consciously.

The beauty and fashion industries are worth billions of dollars and are sold to us in the seeking of perfection.  A perfection that doesn’t actually exist and largely lowers the vibration of society as a whole by making people feel they are ‘less than’.

It’s sad and it’s time we all took responsibility for what is going on, not only for ourselves but for the children growing up in this world of false imagery.

We owe it to ourselves and others to stop the nonsense and start spreading the message that ‘you are enough’ as you are.  People come in all shapes and sizes and that should be celebrated.  It’s what makes each and every one of us unique and special.  We are who we are because of everything we have experienced in our lives and none of us should feel like we’d be happier or better off if only we had bigger boobs or lost 5 kilos or got botox to smooth our skin.  It’s bullshit and it’s time to change the dialogue we allow to come out of our own mouths and the mouths of others.

It starts with you.  Watch your thoughts.  Watch what you allow to come out of your mouth.  Watch what you allow to be said by those you care about.  Pull yourself up.  Pull your loved ones up.  It’s time to pull society up on this craziness.

As someone who has been in the fashion and beauty industries for 26 years, I know full well the effects this falseness has had on not only myself but on others around me.  Eating disorders are rife and people are unhappy in their own skin, which has a ripple effect on their whole life.  I’ve been conditioned to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’ and have been criticising my own self for way too long.  I’ve also criticised others’ bodies and appearances and I’m ashamed of that.  Very ashamed.

I’ve done a lot of work over the years to change this but I have to say, seeing this film has been one of the biggest game changers for me.  Truly.  Madly.  Deeply.

This film helped me to embrace myself, jiggly thighs and all and I want nothing more than each and every one of you to feel the same way about yourselves, so make sure you see it!  It will be one of the most valuable documentaries you will ever see.

I believe it’s creator, Taryn Brumfitt, is an Angel in disguise.

embrace

Have you seen it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

 

Outside in

Hi Lovelies,

This week, my cousin nominated me for the Facebook 5 day 15 + years photo challenge, so I accepted and took myself on a trip down memory lane.  In sharing some of my old modelling photos, I was overwhelmed by the lovely comments from everyone and I must admit, they made me feel better during what was a difficult week.

Despite the virtual hug my ego received, the comments highlighted something I feel very strongly about and that is how invisible mental illness is.  At the time every single one of the photos I shared was taken, I was struggling with a very serious eating disorder and had been for many years.  Although the photos show what appears to be a glamorous life, on the inside I was literally killing myself.  Considering what I was doing, I’m lucky to still be here today.

I suffered from Bulimarexia, which is a combination of both Bulimia and Anorexia.  Sufferers swing between bouts of starvation and binge / purge cycles by means of self induced vomiting and or laxative abuse (or both).  I was doing both.  I would purge up to six times a day and then I’d take laxatives at night.  The number on the scale was more important to me than anything and my body dysmorphia was rife.  I had no idea what I looked like.

Even though I worked constantly as an underwear model throughout my career, I loathed my body.  When I looked in the mirror, what I saw was fat.  When my agents or clients (or anyone for that matter) told me I had a great body, a voice inside my head said “no I don’t, I’m fat”.  When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was that I was too big.  When I was told I was too thin, I thought whoever was saying it was nuts.  It was crazy but it was my truth.

Sharon test 4.jpgShort hair 2.jpgShort hair 1.jpg

Eating disorders are everywhere.  The more I’ve spoken about my own experience, the more people have opened up to me about theirs.  I can’t tell you how many people I know who have suffered, or are still suffering, but it’s a lot.  Unfortunately, with the increased exposure to media, especially social media, statistics show the prevalence of eating disorders is growing relatively at an alarming rate.  It’s scary.

It took me a very long time to reach a place of authentic health and although I’m pretty much there now, it’s still something I have to work at constantly.  As most people who have suffered will tell you, it never really goes away completely.  It just becomes easier to manage as you get stronger and better at talking back to the voice inside your head that is basically an inner bully.  It’s a fight you have to keep fighting because unlike giving up smoking or drugs, you can’t give up eating and lets face it, who would want to?!

It pains me to know how may people out there are going through what I went through.  It’s an absolutely insidious disease and because sufferers often look ‘healthy’ on the outside, they usually suffer in silence or in secret.  There is not always visibility of there being something wrong.

It also becomes a part of your ‘identity’ and a coping mechanism for life.  The irony however is that a sufferer is clearly not coping at all.  It is a form of control when a life feels out of control.

I always felt there had to be a reason for my journey though.  It had to make sense somehow and thankfully, now it makes absolute sense.  My reason, my purpose, is to help others going though their own struggle.  As I’ve said before, we are all here to help each other get through this maze of life, no matter what it throws at us.  We’re not meant to go it alone.

Just over 3 years ago, I decided to write a book about my story and in doing so, came to understand myself and how it all came about very clearly.  When it all came down to it, it made so much sense it was uncanny.  My book is currently with my editor, so it’s coming along nicely.  I can’t wait to share it with you all when it’s finally ready and in doing so, hope to help millions of people around the world.  That’s my dream and I’m dreaming big.

Until next time.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx

 

Into the groove

Hi Lovelies,

I am sure you’ll agree that one of our biggest challenges in life is actually being present or mindful as often as we can.  To be honest, I don’t really know if anyone can be all of the time.  Well except for perhaps the Dalai Lama.

For me it’s something that I have been good at sometimes over the years, while at others, I am absolutely crap at it.  And when I say crap, I am talking about the repetition of behaviour that I KNOW will make me feel bad about myself but instead of steering away from those bad choices, I’ve found myself going ahead and mindlessly making them anyway because I don’t have the strength / willpower / discipline (whatever you want to call it) to do otherwise.  The aftermath (because there’s no other way to describe it) is a really shitty state of mind, as I literally hammer myself for doing it.  And then I do it again.  Stupid right?!

They say that madness is repeating the same behaviour, expecting different results.  Ain’t that the truth.

Lately those choices that I am referring to are all about how I fuel my body.  I have tried and tested all sorts of dietary changes (delete this / add that) and I have no doubts about what works best for me.  I know that’s different for all of us; what works for me won’t necessarily work for you.  So if I know what makes me feel best in my body, mind and soul, why don’t I just choose the right things all of the time?

If only it were that simple.

Actually it is.  It’s as easy as a decision.

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Recently something happened that triggered a change for me.  I was expressing how terrible I was feeling about what I’d eaten the night before when my darling hubby said “Stop being mean to my wife please!”  Having been an advocate for taking responsibility for oneself and being your own best friend, I realised that I had been quite the opposite for some time.  A walking contradiction so to speak.  But that’s ok because I feel like I’ve finally learnt the lesson once and for all and although it is fresh, I know I’m not going to look back.

Ever since then, every single choice that I have made about what goes in to my body has been a mindful one. I choose life and health instead of death or disease.  It’s as simple as that.

And although I have spent as long as I can remember trying to be smaller than I am, it’s not about that for me anymore.  Sure, I understand that by making the choices that I am making, the extra weight that I was carrying will drop off – and it is – but it’s not about how I look.  It’s about how I feel.

It’s about taking responsibility for my mental health and choosing to feel great instead of shitty.

I feel better when I nourish my body with the right foods.

I feel better when I really listen to what my body wants and if you are still enough to hear it, you will know what that is for you too.

The bonus is that this time,  I won’t wish that I was smaller for the first time in my life because I will finally appreciate my body for what it does and how it feels rather than for what it looks like.  For someone that has struggled with body image all of my life, I am already feeling the freedom this brings.

I get it.  I have needed to sit with my bad decisions and the consequences that came from making them for some time.   Now, I can really appreciate my new state of mind and my healthy body for what it is.

I know that I can choose ‘Happy’ or ‘Crappy’ everyday and I choose ‘Happy’.

I got my groove back and that’s a beautiful thing.

Until next time.

Love & Light Always,

Yvette xxx