This may sound like a weird thing to say and please excuse my french but I fucking love getting older! It’s the best thing ever. The word ‘older’ generally denotes a sense of degeneration but in my opinion, the opposite is the truth. I feel like getting older is getting better in so many ways and given my current state of mind, I wouldn’t go back to my youth for anything.
Why? Because the older I get, the more I see life though different eyes. I now see things through the eyes of an observer and I’m not just talking about observing others. I am talking about observing myself as well. And that my Lovelies, is what changes everything.
I used to be so caught up in the spin cycle of life and had no sense of the space that exists around our thoughts or the connectedness we all share. I found myself reacting to this and that with no discernment of perspective or awareness of my unruly thoughts. My ego ruled my mind and became the motivation for everything. I wouldn’t call that living. It was exisiting. Nothing more and nothing less.
Now I’m far from perfect. I still get reactive at times and have to slap my ego around occasionally (especially where social media is concerned) but now, more often than not, I can keep myself in check with my sense of self awareness. I question my motivation before acting and if I can see my ego rearing it’s ugly head, I put it back in it’s box and stop what I’m doing.
At the end of the day, the only ‘likes’ or validations we really need are our own anyway. What we think of ourselves is what matters the most. Everything else is simply ego based and in reality, the ego is like a black hole that can never be filled if you don’t think highly enough of yourself.
When I was really ill with bulimarexia, I was totally ruled by the voice in my head and had absolutely no idea that voice was not ‘me’. It told me I was never enough of this or too much of that and those thoughts were literally killing me. Then one day, I was given the book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay and upon reading it, I suddenly became aware that I could talk back to my thoughts and that voice talking back was the REAL me. The other voice was what I referred to as ‘the monster inside my head’.
It is clear a lot of people suffer from uncontrolled thoughts of a similar nature to what I have described and it comes down to low self esteem. It is like having your very own bully inside your head and the longer it is allowed to control your mind, the stronger it gets.
So many unfortunately never get to the point where they can put space around their thoughts and understand that is not who they are and my heart breaks for them. Having an awareness of being aware is the real you.
What it all comes down to is a lack of consciousness. Instead of being mindful, present and here in the now, thoughts run away in to the past or the future and back again as well as in to negative patterns like comparison and criticism. But, the more you are aware and ‘with’ yourself, the more you can talk to yourself like you would a best friend. This enables you to also be present with others and relish in the experiences life has to offer.
As Eckhart Tolle so eloquently puts it in his best selling book ‘A New Earth’…if you are not in a state of acceptance, enthusiasm or enjoyment, you are out of alignment and being out of alignment leads to unhappiness not only for yourself but for others too. That observation has yielded yet another dimension of an improved reality in my world.
Since I read ‘A New Earth’, which I’ll be honest, I started and restarted several times until I was ready to digest the information it gifted, I’ve noticed a real change in myself. Instead of getting shitty at something happening around me, my awareness has been leading me to the thought of ‘acceptance’….and that in and of itself has taken away any negative emotion tied to the experience I was having. The rest of the time I seem to be in an organic state of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm anyway, so it’s only negative reactions to external stuff that I’ve needed to adjust. There is always going to be a lot of that however. We all have loads of stuff happening around us on a daily basis, so this newness has been quite profound.
In the past, I’ve been so caught up in the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ of this world that even my hubby has called me “the everything police” because I’ve always had something to say about stuff going on around me that I felt was wrong. There is no peace in that now is there?! Now that I can (more often than not) bring acceptance to those thoughts, they bounce off me like a springbok bouncing through the fields. And that is a lovely way to be.
Until next time.
Love & Light Always,