You know what? A long time ago I used to be so hell bent on trying to be perfect that I couldn’t ever admit it when I’d fucked up and the result was crap. I was only existing. You couldn’t call that living. You see, living means that you’re in the moment and you’re connecting with others and that’s just down right impossible when you’re totally caught up in your own head and feel the need to make excuses for this, that and everything else. It was a shitty way to exist and I wasn’t fooling anyone. Especially not myself.
It all started when I was a little girl. A combination of family dynamics and certain events led to me labelling myself subliminally as ‘the good one’. I learned that if I did well or behaved perfectly, I got the attention I wanted. It stuck and kind of became who I was. I tried to be perfect in every way and that led to all sorts of problems, including an eating disorder that I struggled with for a very long time.
One day, that all changed. Thank fuck for that!
I can’t remember what I did but I do remember how good it felt to admit that I’d made a mistake and genuinely apologise for it. It was liberating, healing and nourishing to the soul. It felt good. Really good. In fact, it felt so good that I stopped being the person I was and began the journey towards being the person I am now. I still make loads of mistakes (don’t we all?) but the difference is, now I’m present enough most of the time to pull myself up and give myself a talking to. A slap on the hand if you will. I’m much happier being that person.
Ever since then, I’ve become much more of an observer and it’s really interesting watching someone try and keep up their facade because they just don’t have it in them to say that they messed up or apologise. I know who’s shoes I’d rather be in.
But, the thing is, when you can’t admit to fault, it doesn’t leave you. It sticks around like a bad smell and won’t let you move on, unless you’re a psychopath that has no compassion or concern for others. I guess there are loads of people out there like that. But, for those of us with a conscience, there’s no faster way to liberate yourself than to say “Oops! Sorry. I fucked up”.
It’s how we learn, so in reality, its AWESOME to fuck up! Isn’t it?! Sometimes it takes us a while to finally get the message and sometimes we get it at lightening speed. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Our journey is ours and ours alone and our mistakes are all ours as well. Our mistakes teach us what not to do and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s all good!
So take ownership of your fuck ups. Let that shit be liberating rather than suffocating. The more you do, the more freedom you have to move forward on to the next thing and the next. It stops you from staying stuck in a really shitty place that isn’t any fun at all. Trust me, I know. I was in that place for a long time and the best thing I ever did was acknowledge it.
I see people stuck there and I just want to say “Come on! You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody is, so take note of what you did or said and laugh about it. Leave that shit in the past.”
So celebrate your fuck ups! They are awesome. And so are you.
Love & Light Always,