Our minds race with them every single day. From the minute we wake up until the time we fall asleep, we answer them. Questions.
It often starts with…What shall I have for breakfast? Do I even feel like having breakfast?
For me, a lot of the time, the answer is no. Not yet anyway. We are conditioned to have it every day because that is what society has taught us. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. How often do we listen to our bodies and just eat when we are actually hungry?
What else are we meant to do? How else are we meant to feel?
So often we don’t give ourselves the time or permission to actually stop and let our inner voice tell us the answers to the questions that come up for us. Society and those around us often tell us what we should and shouldn’t feel or do.
Yesterday, I asked myself ‘What am I going to wear?’ and it led to many more questions, so I made sure that I allowed time for the answers to come.
Lately I have been so focussed on writing and editing my book that I’ve found it difficult to keep up with other aspects of my life. I’ve been pulling regular 13 and 14 hour days, every day, with work and writing combined, so the amount of exercise that I usually do has dropped quite dramatically. My head has been elsewhere.
What do you get when you combine sitting at your desk for extended periods with a drop in physical exercise? Weight gain. I’m currently heavier than I have ever been in my life. But that’s okay!! My book is nearly finished and soon I will restore the balance. I will be back to my usual, very active self.
My weight has been a huge issue in my life in the past. An unhealthy obsession with it led me to be very ill for 16 years. No matter how small I was, I was never happy. In contrast, I just happen to be the happiest I have ever been right now, as well as the heaviest. Boy how things have changed!!
So what are those questions I was talking about?
While deciding what to wear to work and realising that not everything fits me at the moment, I asked myself…
Do I go and buy new clothes? Should I feel bad because I’ve put on weight? Am I only uncomfortable because some of my clothes don’t fit me? Do I really care that I am heavier? Do I stay the way that I am and understand that I am still a very healthy weight? Do I allow myself to be ‘me’ and understand that that person is still fabulous no matter what size and shape she is in?
I was surprised at how comfortable I actually was with the new me. You see, I realised that the only thing new about me is my attitude towards myself. I am being gentle with myself. I am being my own best friend. I am allowing myself to be me. It has nothing to do with the number on the scale.
What I realised is that the only thing I want to change is restoring the balance in to my world and getting back in to my exercise routine. Not because of what I weigh, but because of how it makes me feel. Being fit and healthy is a priority in my world.
If the scales go down again and my clothes fit me better, then I’m okay with that. If they don’t, I’m okay with buying new ones too. I refuse to make being ‘smaller’ and ‘lighter’ a priority anymore.
It’s all about treating my body, mind and soul with love and care.
That’s what I am talking about.
Love & Light always,