Hi Lovelies,
Have you every had to make a decision you never saw coming because it wasn’t ever on your radar to make such a choice? A decision you knew other people had made before, but not you. Because it wasn’t part of who you were or what you value.
Have you ever chosen a path that broke your heart into a thousand pieces but that you knew was absolutely necessary; no question? A decision that led you to the darkest place you’ve ever been but would eventually lead you back to the place of light that you so desperately wanted to find.
I have. And it hasn’t been easy.
Not in the slightest.
That’s why I’ve been MIA on here for so long.
In 2019, I’d been digging deep for some time and saw myself trapped in a constant loop of unhealthy patterning. Patterning that was making me stuck and sick and that I could see myself caught up in on repeat. It wasn’t contributing to the growth and healing I knew I both needed or was essential for me to live a life true to who I was; to who I am.
Patterning I was no longer willing to be a part of.
So I broke the loop and stepped away from my family of origin because it was on me to take responsibility for my own self. I decided to love them from a distance.
I’m not pointing fingers or blame or any of that stuff because I understand we are all literally wounded children in adult bodies and some of us choose to face the shadows and some of us don’t. None of it is anyone’s fault. It just is what it is.
From an early age, us humans are affected by our attachments; our environments; and our choices. All of which add up to who we become and how we react or respond to life and the triggers of our wounding.
Many stay in a place they’re familiar with because that’s what feels right to them, while others don’t.
I didn’t want to make that choice. It was quite literally the most difficult decision I had and have ever made but I stand in my truth when I say it was the right one.
I wish things were different. But the time had come for me to choose myself. So I took the leap and the net has since appeared.
Grieving for people who are still around is a strange phenomenon. It takes time. A long time.
It takes work too.
And it takes facing hard truths about who you are and who you want to be.
But when it all comes down to it, as I have said before, relationships are a two-way street and all we can control is our own part. And when it comes to healing; if that’s what we want; we must take our own lead and follow our gut; our own path. Our heart of hearts knows what is right for us. Just like it knows what isn’t.
It’s up to us to listen to that.
So if you ever happen across someone who doesn’t see their family, please know the decision wasn’t made lightly. It never is.
Estrangement is strange. And it can be hard.
Birthdays are hard.
Mothers and Fathers Days are hard.
Christmas is hard and sometimes days in between are hard.
But oftentimes it’s the right path at the right time for the right reasons.
And that’s all you need to know.
Love & Light,
Always XXX